Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
