Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
