I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
