Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
