ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
