I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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