Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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