Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
