I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
