Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
