Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
