Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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