hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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