I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
