so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
