Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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