Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
