The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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