MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize