that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
