I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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