chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
even my farts smell like vagina
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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