Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
