i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
