i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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