i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
