Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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