What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
