I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
