Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
