they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's blow job season.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
