Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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