Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
