who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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