that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
