The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
