Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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