Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize