you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
