I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
