Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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