Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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