I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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