The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
