apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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