tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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