Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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