Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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