I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
