i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
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She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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