I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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