see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
