i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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