You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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