I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
