Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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