He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
