I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
