I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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