We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My penis needs a shock collar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
