How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
