just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
