Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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