I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
