What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need water and some morals
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
