Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
