I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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