He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
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