# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
