On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
