Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
