3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
